Not Just Me
by Seravia
Summary: This year's tribute to May 14th. Kaoru thinks back on Kenshin's goodbye the morning after. She realizes that she can't be selfish anymore.


**Not Just Me**

**By:** RedHairRurouniFan

**Author's Notes:** Here's my tribute to May 14th. Kaoru's POV. Last year, the tribute was "Home" and it was on roughly the same topic, well it had to be considering these tributes are all for the same date… So far I have… I believe 4 and this will be the 4th May 14th fic. Two weren't tributes, but I have a lot of these fics up. It's just so fun to write a fic on this! Happy reading!

**Disclaimer:** *sigh* Still no luck. _Rurouni Kenshin_ does not belong to me.

* * *

Kaoru was lying in bed the morning after Kenshin left her, the scene of their simple goodbye replaying over and over behind her eyelids. The tears fell even from under closed eyes, and she couldn't possibly disguise her heartache. What was she to do? Slowly, Kaoru opened her eyes, fresh pain clouding those sorrowful blue pools. She forced herself to focus on the details of the night before.

* * *

_Kaoru's POV_

He hadn't come back, and he was supposed to have returned. I was standing just outside my dojo gates, alone. Megumi and Sano had already left for the clinic due to an emergency, but I would not, no, could not, leave until I saw Kenshin's face again. My heart was racing, pounding in my chest. Suddenly, I heard light footfalls behind me. My hopes soaring, I swung around, calling his name, not really caring if I'd been mistaken. To my great relief, there was Kenshin, standing in front of me but… his eyes held an unmistakable sadness. My heart sank. I would be alone. Again. Quickly, I shook such pessimistic thoughts from my head, looking him in the eyes, well aware that he'd read the disappointment in my eyes. I didn't care, it didn't matter. I just needed an answer to my burning question. What was his decision? I knew my eyes had already asked the question for me. His expression told me that. For the first time, Kenshin didn't try to mask his feelings, letting them show clearly on his face. I could see exactly how he felt. Before I could speak, he asked me about Yahiko. What could I do but answer his question? I told him he'd gone to sleep. But, a feeling of dread settled in my chest. Why didn't he just come rights out and say it? Why was he dawdling, skipping hopelessly around the obvious subject. I waited and waited for him, and he knew that. Finally, he told me that Okubo was killed. I already knew. What I didn't know was that Shishio's men were the killers. I could guess his next words. They were exactly as I'd anticipated. "This one is off to Kyoto." Those words couldn't be more to the point. Those words stabbed me in the heart one by one. He was leaving me. Truthfully, I already knew the moment I saw him that he would leave me. Kenshin wasn't one to place his own happiness above that of the country. The welfare of Japan always outweighed himself. It didn't' matter if his heart shouted at him to be selfish for once, he knew his duty and he would follow that duty. Nothing but his own death would stand in his way.

I asked him if he would assassinate Shishio. His answer was uncertain. I could see the warring emotions on his face. I could sense the wavering of his heart. The Rurouni was being suppressed by the Hitokiri, but the Rurouni wasn't leaving without a fight either. He told me that he could have been a normal swordsman being here, but the battles showed him that the Hitokiri still lives. I was not afraid. I would never fear this man. I just tried to get through to him. I said that he could turn back. No matter what, Kenshin was still Kenshin. But he explained that there was a difference in his battles. He fought Jin-e as Battousai to save me, but he fought Saitou as Battousai out of a desire to finish a ten year duel. Time began flowing for him again. For the last ten years, he'd been wandering, practically living for no reason. But having us gave his life meaning. He repeated my words of not caring about his past. I felt almost as if he were giving them back to me. Like they were wasted on him. As if he weren't worthy. As if he was apologizing. No Kenshin… never. You worth a thousand of what you believe yourself to be. He was grateful, I knew that, but he feared for our safety if he stayed. Then… he hugged me. I felt those strong arms wrap themselves around me tightly. I could feel him trembling against my cold frame. For the first time since meeting me, he was Himura Kenshin, not Rurouni or Hitokiri, just the man behind the layers of masks. The true Himura Kenshin. I stood in his arms numbly, barely registering anything but the feel of his body against mine. I couldn't hug him back, it was beyond my capabilities at the time.

His words reverberated through my head. "Thank you for everything, and… Sayonara. This one is rurouni. Once again… this one will drift." Suddenly, my life was like a movie gone horribly wrong. Time froze for me. After his words, he held me just a moment longer, as if waiting for me to hug him back or speak, or simply respond. My only response were my silent, wracking sobs and the tears streaming down my cheeks. He let go of me, and stepped away, lifting his eyes to meet mine one last time before turning away and leaving. Those eyes held a sad longing and hurt seemed to flicker in the depth of the tranquil amethyst orbs. I saw his back and his red hair swinging, Also, I saw just the slightest trembling of his shoulders. I knew he didn't want to leave, knew I should be doing something to stop him. But, my throat closed on me and no matter how hard I tried, my mind wouldn't let me go after him. I dropped to my knees, first only murmuring his name, then shouting it as if my life depended on it. My heart cried out for him. I saw his step falter in the slightest, but he continued, leaving me behind.

* * *

_3rd Person POV_

Kaoru closed her eyes again. She'd finished her reminiscence of the night before and realized just why she let him go. For once, she understood that Kenshin was being selfless, sacrificing his happiness for the safety of Japan. _"I don't want to be selfish anymore. There's a country of people out there that need him. Not Just Me."_

_**Owari**_

**End Notes: **How was that? Hope it was okay…. It was kinda rushed and last minute. I literally typed this the night before… now I wrote it a year ago… but regardless. Ja ne! Happy May 14th!


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